TOLEDOT 5771 - English

Bereshit - Genesis 25:19-28:9

November 6, 2010 – 29 Cheshvan 5771

Searching for Spouses

In this week’s parashah, Isaac orders his son Jacob to not take a wife from among the daughters of Canaan, but to go and find one on the land of his family (Bereshit 28:1).  These words of Isaac exactly reflect his father Abraham’s wish, who at one time entrusted his servant with “… thou shalt not take a wife for my son of the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell. But thou shalt go unto my country, and to my kindred, and take a wife for my son, even for Isaac” (Bereshit 24:3-4).

What was the patriarchs’ purpose when preventing their sons from marrying daughters of the land where they lived?  It is not possible to say that their goal was to avoid idolatry, since Abraham’s relatives were certainly idol worshippers, as we learn in the famous Midrash that describes Abraham destroying the idols his father was selling, and as explicitly appears in the book of Joshua:  “Your fathers dwelt of old time beyond the River, even Terah, the father of Abraham, and the father of Nahor; and they served other gods” (24:2).  Nor is it possible to claim that the goal was racial purity, an idea foreign to the Torah and to Judaism in general.

 It is likely that the patriarchs loathed the indecent life of the Canaanites.  The book of Leviticus, when presenting the list of incestuous relations, orders that “After the doings of the land of Egypt, wherein ye dwelt, shall ye not do; and after the doings of the land of Canaan, whither I bring you, shall ye not do; neither shall ye walk in their statutes” (Vayikra 18:3).  Possibly, the goal was to avoid the lack of sexual morality displayed by the Canaan inhabitants.

There are also some who think that the only way to preserve the culture of a tribal minority, such as the incipient Hebrew nation of the patriarchs, was through endogamic marriage.  A wife from a strange land would quickly adapt to the customs and beliefs of her new family unit, something difficult to achieve for a wife holding the idiosyncrasy of the majority of the local population.

Beyond whatever the correct explanation might be, the truth is that these passages in Genesis are some of the few in which we can find a more or less clear reference to the importance of our children marrying Jewish people.  Since the dawn of our existence as a people, we Jews have tried to preserve our identity, and one of the paths has always been the search for marriage within the folds of our people.

Apart from our intuitive perception concerning the advantages entailed by a Jewish marriage on the future identity of the couple’s children, population statistics today are overwhelming:  undoubtedly, a Jewish couple has much more possibilities of raising Jewish children than an interfaith couple.

In many of our communities, we have developed adequate frameworks so that mixed marriages may find guidance and support so as to become a Jewish family and/or raise their children as Jews.  This is a great mitzvah, which has managed to rescue and add Jews full and proud of their condition, who would otherwise have been irremediably lost.  Such a small people as ours cannot allow this tragedy to happen.  However, this fact should not make us forget that the first option for a young Jew should be that of finding a Jewish spouse in order to set up a family.  That is the option that maximizes the possibility of our people’s continuity.

As Abraham and Isaac, we should develop as well in our communities the appropriate strategies so that our young people lean towards finding Jewish spouses for themselves.  Without disrespecting their freedom of choice, we should make them feel how important it is for us that they marry Jewish men and women.  This is one of our main tools in fighting to preserve the heritage we love so much.  What will we do about it?

Shabbat shalom,

Rabbi Rami Pavolotzky

B’nei Israel Congregation, San Jose, Costa Rica