Chayei Sarah 5775

By Rabbi Rami Pavolotzky
Congregation B´nei Israel
San Jose, Costa Rica

The Values of Judaism

After burying his wife Sarah, Abraham worried about the future of his son Isaac and decided the time had come to find him a wife.  This is why he called his slave and told him, “and I will make you swear by the Lord, the G-d of heaven and the G-d of the earth, that you will not take a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites among whom I dwell, but will go to the land of my birth and get a wife for my son Isaac.” (Bereshit 24:3-4)  Abraham emphatically forbids his servant to search for a wife for his son among the women of the land he lives in (Canaan), and orders him instead to choose a woman from the land where he was born.

What is the meaning of this selection?  What was wrong with the women from Canaan and why were the women from Ur so special (following Rashi’s commentary)?

Some have wanted to see this desire of Abraham’s as an allusion to inbred marriage practiced by some of the Middle Eastern tribes: males had to take wives from the same tribe they belonged to, in order to preserve their own culture, their financial assets, and to avoid conflicts with other tribes or peoples. 

Others have seen this event as the beginning of the Jewish custom of marrying among our own people so as to form Jewish families that will preserve the Jewish identity of the children and ensure the continuation of tradition. 

Even though both explanations are plausible and represent values that Jews have upheld for centuries, in the context of the biblical account we are analyzing, it is difficult to justify Abraham’s choice through either of these explanations.  On one hand, the women from Abraham’s birthplace did not necessarily belong to “his tribe”, and only a few of them were part of his family.  On the other hand, if we refer to the religious qualities that Abraham might have been looking for in an intended wife for his son, the women of Ur were no less idolatresses than the ones in Canaan.  Why then complicate it by traveling to a foreign land to attempt to convince a woman to marry the son of an Abraham who lived in an unknown place?

Radak reminds us that the descendants from Canaan had been cursed because of the incorrect sexual behavior of their patriarch (Bereshit 9:25), while the offspring of Shem (from whom Abraham descended) had been blessed.  Why then mix the blessed progeny with the cursed?

Abarvanel, instead, provides us with a more positive and beneficial explanation than Radak’s.  He says (as quoted in the Chumash of Rab. Mordechai Edery): “Let her be from my family or at least from my homeland, for then she might be similar in nature to my son, since the success of a couple depends on the convergence of nature and character.  Let her be a good woman; she need not be an owner of goods, but of qualities.”

According to this explanation by Avarbanel, what Abraham was searching for was a woman that would be similar in her moral qualities to those of his son, an honest woman with good values.  He knew the women of Canaan did not stand out for their virtues, and at the same time, he knew that in his homeland there lived men and women of good character and virtue.   

Following Abarvanel’s exegesis, Rab. Mordechai Katz (in his book “Lilmod ulelamed”) tells us Abraham knew it was possible to abandon the worship of idols and to rationally comprehend there is only one G-d… after all, Abraham himself had undergone this process!  However, there are certain moral qualities, like piety and compassion, which are difficult to acquire as an adult.  Abraham wanted for his son a good woman, a woman who would share the best values of a human being and who could join his son and his family, who professed the quality of chesed, benevolence, generosity, compassion.  Abraham knew such a woman could be found in his birthplace and not in the land where he lived later.  After all, Jews are known (and how I wish we are still known for this!) as rachmanim, baishanim vegomlei chasadim, or compassionate, introverted/timid people carrying out merciful acts.  This may only be learned among family!

There is a story about a rich Jew who once visited the Rabbi of Leipnik to propose marrying his son to his daughter.  However, while listening to this proposal, the Rabbi appeared distracted and anxious.  He explained that a boy from his city was very sick and that he was worried about him.  “But why are you so worried about a boy who is a stranger to you?” the visitor asked.  When he heard this, the Rabbi decided his daughter should not marry the son of the rich merchant.  Someone descended from a person who showed so little concern for others could not be a worthy or desirable husband for his daughter.  

Abraham Avinu was not searching for racial purity or for the preservation of family wealth; he yearned for good people to enter his family.  The ideal wife for his son would be the one who could demonstrate the best human virtues, as Rivka would certainly do (Bereshit 24).  Abraham, our patriarch, taught us that Judaism, beyond religion and the observance of the commandments, must be lived in accordance with the highest values and qualities that we can develop as human beings, driving us always with truth, benevolence and compassion.    

Shabbat Shalom!

Rabbi Rami Pavolotzky

Congregation B´nei Israel

San Jose, Costa Rica