Rabbi Daniela Szuster
B´nei Israel Congregation
Costa Rica
This week we start reading the fifth book of the Torah, the book of Devarim. This book is particularly noted for delving into several themes and events told in the previous books of the Torah. That is the reason this book is called Deuteronomy in English, which means “second law”.
The parashah begins with a very long speech delivered by Moses to the new generation about to enter the land of Israel. The speech was so long that, according to some sages, it lasted almost eleven days.
What did Moses say to the people of Israel? At first glance, it would seem a simple review of the happenings during the journey through the wilderness. He names the different places they passed and what occurred at each one. It’s a simple repetition of the story.
However, some scholars find an indirect message hidden behind those common and naïve words. According to them, Moses meant to scold and reproach the people for their mistakes, warning the new generation.
Why didn’t he reproach them head on? Maybe because he didn’t want to hurt them, just help them.
Rambam writes in the Mishneh Torah that, when people scold their fellow men, they must do it nicely, with tender words, pointing out that they only have their best interests at heart (Deut. 6:7). To reproach your fellow men is considered a Mitzvah. It is written in the Torah: hoche'ach tochiach et-amitecha…, “you shall certainly rebuke your friend…” (Vayikra 1):17). Some sages emphasize that this commandment concerns only the people with whom we are closely related, and where, above all, love prevails. Actually, the chapter quoted, where the verse that deals with reproaching your fellow men appears, ends this way: “You shall love your fellow as yourself” (19:18).
This teaches us, on the one hand, that the reproach must be accompanied by love, and on the other hand, that when a relationship is based on sincere love, there are grounds for reproach. The fact of telling the truth, warning our fellow men and being honest, although it entails pain and suffering, undoubtedly and genuinely shows our love and respect. We can say hard and shocking words only to those we love, not just pretty and nice things.
According to Midrash Bereshit, “love without reproof is really not love at all” (Bereshit Rabbah 54:3).
How many times do we see mistakes or attitudes in our fellow men that harm them and do not help them live in peace? How many times do we feel that our children, parents or spouses are not acting in the best way, but we do not dare tell them what we think? We fear that they will get angry and grow apart from us. We fear that they will not listen to us. When we know they will not like our words, it is not easy to confront them and tell them, to their face, what we think. When our words can cause pain, telling the truth is not easy.
We usually think: better keep quiet and believe we live in a rose-colored world, although unreal, than face our thorns and those of our fellow men. Better build skillful relations seemingly harmonious, than relationships that challenge us and intimidate us on a regular basis but which, in the long run, will grow to be stronger and unbreakable.
Our sages tell us that even if it is hard, it is better to “reproof” our fellow men, telling the truth when we think it necessary. That is part of the love we feel for them. It is important that we bear in mind that we do not do it to make them angry or quarrel with them, but rather because we believe it will be best for their own happiness and contentment.
May God grant us that, as Moses had the courage to reproach his beloved people and point our their errors in his attempt to make them avoid them in the future, we may do as well with our fellow men, whom we love equally well.
Following Moses’ example and Rambam’s teaching, may God grant us the ability to act wisely, to say what we think with nice and tender words, proving that our intentions are good and that we actually love them with all our hearts.
Shabbat Shalom!
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