Vayeshev 5772

Rabbi Rami Pavolotzky
B’nei Israel Congregation, Costa Rica

Sometimes you need to know when to keep silent

This week we start by reading the story of Joseph and his brothers, the last Bereshit story, which will end  the book.  The parashah starts by telling us that Joseph was his father, Jacob’s, favorite son, which provokes the envy on his brothers. 

 
Young Joseph dreams his dreams of greatness, in which he sees himself as king of the family, and his brothers as his subjects.  To fuel the flames of jealousy and spite, Joseph doesn’t hesitate in cheerfully letting his brothers know about his nightly visions.  The brothers, as would be expected, react angrily to the tales of glory from his brother and begin to devise a plan to get rid of him. 

 

We should wonder why Joseph tells his brothers about the dreams he had. Didn’t he know they would react angrily?  Was he so naïve he couldn’t have foreseen it?  Or was it on purpose, a simple provocation fueled by a repressed resentment?

 
This same question we ask ourselves every year while we reread Parashat Vayeshev, has already been covered by different biblical scholars throughout the centuries.  Let’s see some of the authorized opinions, just as they appear quoted in the Chumash Etz Chaim:

• Hizkuni (France, s. XIII): it is likely that Joseph thought his brothers would appreciate him more if they knew G-d conveyed His message directly to him.  According to this comment, young Joseph, haunted by the hate (inexplicable to him) professed by his brothers, thought he might make them change their minds if they understood that G-d himself was communicating with him, thinking he would then stop being seen as a spoiled and conceited young man, and instead, he would be appreciated as a distinguished prophet. 

• Sforno (Italy, s. XV-XVI): he was still really immature, so he couldn’t foresee his brothers’ reaction.  Unlike the previous comment, where Joseph sincerely believes that telling his dreams to his brothers would be beneficial, here Joseph appears as a naïve young man, speaking without measuring the effect of his words. 

• The Vilna Gaon (Lithuania, s. XVIII): it was a message from G-d and a prophet cannot keep silent the messages he’s given, whatever the consequences might be.  From this comment we understand that Joseph feels his tale will be taken badly by his brothers, but his mission as a prophet drives him into telling it, despite the disastrous consequences which could result.   

These three comments cover the range of options regarding Joseph’s motivation to tell his dreams to his brothers: he either would benefit, had no other intention than simply entertain with the story, or he knew he would be hurt.  I’m personally inclined to believe the Vilna Gaon’s opinion, but from a more earthly point of view. 

 
No matter how young or naïve Joseph was, it is hard to imagine he would provoke any feeling other than anger and rage by telling his envious and troublesome brothers about his dreams of greatness and domination of the family.  Even an innocent little child senses when his words and/or actions will unleash his parents’ wrath, and it shows when he speaks or proceeds with a mischievous smile in his face.  Why should we speculate that Joseph wouldn’t notice or understand what he was doing?  

 
It is much more logical that Joseph acted as we all have acted many times, when we face an uncomfortable situation; instead of posing the problem in a frank and friendly way; we usually say exactly that which we’d rather keep quiet, as if we wish to provoke a conflict making it appear unintentional.  We often voice the words which we know will deeply hurt others, or those which will inevitably provoke a reaction of anger and irritation.  We even arrive to an encounter or meeting with the apparently firm intention of not talking about this or that subject, while minutes later we explicitly mention it, but not without a gesture of exasperation at the same time.

Why do we do it?  Why do we say the exact words we shouldn’t?  Why do we fall into the same trap again and again?  Why can’t we just keep silent?  Perhaps because, like Joseph, we’re a little immature, naïve or innocent, and we do not know how to say something which bothers us without disturbing others.  Perhaps because we should learn to take a minute in order to take a deep breath before opening our mouths… or even to count to three, or five, or maybe even to ten.  Maybe because, just like young Joseph, we still haven’t learnt to put ourselves in the other’s shoes, and we limit ourselves into seeing only our own discomfort, beyond which everything else seems fine.  Maybe because we are used to having others condone our acts, just like Jacob with his son Joseph; it’s hard for us to understand that others might prefer to avoid us, because of our attitude or because of nothing in particular.  Perhaps the key is to live, grow and mature, just like Joseph did, in order to reach a stage in which we can handle the silence as well as we handle our ability to speak, comment and complain.  Those who know when to talk and when to shut up are the wise ones.

Shabat Shalom!

 
Rabbi Rami Pavolotzky
B´nei Israel Congregation
San José, Costa Rica