Chayei Sarah 5772

Rabbi Mario Gurevich

Beth Israel Synagogue, Aruba

It is, indeed, paradoxical that Parashat Chayei Sarah (Sarah’s life) starts with her death and Abraham’s negotiations to purchase a lot, actually a cave, in order to establish the first cemetery ever possessed by the Hebrew people.

However, what I would like to discuss today is the part that comes immediately after. That is, Abraham’s concern about finding a proper wife for his son Isaac, and the appointment of his servant Eliezer to fulfill this mission.

The story gives us a colorful description of the way in which Eliezer tackles his quest, proving his intelligence by searching for a person with high morals and human sensitivity: “… that the damsel to whom I shall say: Let down thy pitcher, I pray thee, that I may drink; and she shall say: Drink, and I will give thy camels drink also; let the same be she that Thou hast appointed for Thy servant, even for Isaac…” (Gen. 24:14).

Thus it was that Rebeccah arrived in Isaac’s life, becoming the second of our matriarchs.

My question is, what did Isaac think about all this? The Torah does not say anything about it. Wouldn’t it have been logical, at least from our contemporary point of view, if Abraham had consulted Isaac on the matter, or advised him on the way to start the search for a wife?

Let us recall that Isaac was no young boy, for he was at least forty years old…

In order to understand this, I think we have to return to the previous parashah and the event of the Akedah, the binding of Isaac, sometimes mistakenly called “the sacrifice of Isaac”. In truth, Isaac was never sacrificed, although he was, indeed, “bound”.

Isaac was never able to overcome that, and as a result of that event, developed a pale personality, dependent on Abraham and, later on, on Rebeccah, the true managers of his life.

How often do we, as parents, undoubtedly with the best of intentions, “bind” our children to our wishes, to what we believe is best for them, preventing them from developing their own character?

On the other hand, Isaac’s sons, Jacob and Esau, lacking those rigid controls and “bindings”, had to make their way in search of their own destiny.  Both made countless mistakes, stumbling and hurting themselves along the way. Nonetheless, in the end, after a difficult struggle against their own limitations, they both found their true calling and destiny.

And it was Jacob, not Isaac, who was granted the name of Israel, which we still identify with so many centuries later.

We must offer our children the freedom they need.  That does not mean giving up on our task as parents to guide, advise, and even reprimand. However, we must never allow our own ideas, wishes, and insecurities to prevail over their legitimate need to explore and find their own way in the world.

Shabbat Shalom.