Vayigash 5774 - English

By Rabbi Daniela Szuster
Congregation B’nei Israel, Costa Rica

Learning to express our Feelings

Last week we read about Pharaoh’s dream, the famous story of the lean cows eating the fat cows.  Joseph’s interpretation of this dream became a reality: there were seven years of abundance, and seven years of scarcity, and thanks to Joseph’s intelligence, Egypt had enough reserves for the years of deprivation.

Joseph’s brothers went to Egypt to ask for supplies.  They saw Joseph, but they did not recognize him.  Joseph, on his part, did recognize them, but placed obstacles on their path, suspected of them, and left them to experience difficult and uncomfortable moments.

After some comings and goings of the brothers, from Israel to Egypt, from Egypt to Israel, the moment arrived when Joseph could not restrain himself anymore and keep on hiding his identity: “

At last Joseph could no longer control his feelings in front of his attendants” (Bereshit 45:1).

In addition to this quote, there are other verses that show how Joseph often struggled to restrain his feelings.  For example, it is mentioned in last week’s parashah:

“Joseph turned away from them and wept; then he returned and spoke to them” (Bereshit 42: 24); “Then Joseph hurried out, because his feelings toward his brother were so strong that he wanted to cry; he went into his bedroom and there he wept.  Then he washed his face and came out, but he controlled himself as he gave the order to serve the meal.” (Bereshit 43: 30-31).

Time and time again, Joseph tried not to show his feelings and emotions in front of his brothers.  Why did he do this?  If he was so moved to see them, why didn’t he reveal his identity from the very beginning?  Some commentators explain that he wanted to test them.  Others, that he wanted to upset them, taking revenge for what they did to him such a long time ago.

We could also think that Joseph didn’t have the courage to express his mixed emotions before his brothers.

This situation can make us think about our everyday life.  How often do we insist on hiding what we feel, concealing our feelings from our loved ones and from ourselves?

Every so often, society tries to tell us that expressing our emotions constitutes a show of weakness; that we should be rational, thinkers, and not let ourselves be driven by our feelings. This is especially true for males, who are raised since their early years to not cry or express their feelings, to the extent that some of us actually believe that men don’t cry.  And thus appear the generations in which feelings are repressed, in many ways, something that must explode out of their bodies, which ends up emerging in completely different ways, such as being aggressive, in anger, insensitivity, insomnia, indifference, stress, and even some pathologies and diseases.

As many psychological theories state, all the emotions that we hide and repress, in one way or another, escape from us involuntarily, finally breaking the walls.

The ideal would be to achieve what Joseph finally did in this parashah: “He wept aloud” (Bereshit 45:2) in front of his brothers.  He allowed himself to express the strong emotions he was experiencing.  Instead of feeling weak and vulnerable, he was able to gain strength and feel more honest about himself and his loved ones.

May God grant us the ability to allow ourselves to cry and get emotional in the different moments of our lives, being able to express our true feelings to our loved ones.  May we learn and teach our children the best possible way to express our feelings, without believing that this is a sign of weakness and vulnerability, but of strength.

Shabbat Shalom!